Heather married a Christian man who seemed zealous to serve God. He gave generous amounts of money to God’s work and even dreamed of eventually doing a reverse tithe—giving away ninety percent of his income and keeping ten percent for himself.
Today he’s still involved in missions work, still gives away a lot of money, but he sins against God in a particularly painful way every single day of his life. I don’t think he realizes it, but he does.
You see, he had an affair fifteen years ago, divorced Heather, and married the woman with whom he had the affair. Over a decade later, he and his new wife look like a model Christian couple and command a lot of respect, at least from humans. No one wants to judge them because the divorce happened so long ago.
From God’s perspective, things might look a little different.
Heather lives in a modest apartment and now must keep working well into her sixties. Understandably wary because she thought she already had married a “solid Christian man,” she has lost confidence in dating guys that seem fine on the outside because who knows what’s within?
Every day that she is alone in that apartment the sin of divorce hits her afresh. Every day she has to keep working into her sixties, the sin of divorce is renewed. Every day she tries to navigate the pain of adult children who have to “split” time between their parents—meaning she sees them about half as much as she otherwise might—the sin of divorce keeps hurting.
Heather is God’s daughter. Do you think God looks at what has happened and keeps happening to his daughter on a daily basis without anger? This is not to suggest that divorced women are helpless, weak, or unable to fend for themselves. Many do quite well for themselves and even thrive. In other instances, however, divorce can essentially create a “social widow” who becomes newly vulnerable. Her financial options are limited. Her ability to remarry may be compromised.
In the cases of these “social widows,” ex-husbands should take note: according to Scripture there are two demographic groups you don’t want to mess with or oppress, and one of those groups is widows. “Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will be aroused…” (Ex. 22:22-24a)
When a divorced woman, a social widow, cries out to God, “He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice” (Deut. 10:18).
Society has changed quite a bit in the past four thousand years, often for the better, so not all women feel so vulnerable in the face of divorce. But God isn’t just about his daughters surviving; he wants them to thrive and anyone who stands in the way of his plans can expect appropriate discipline and opposition.
Men, when we marry a woman when she is at her youngest, strongest, and healthiest, and then pursue a divorce because we’ve gotten bored with her or think we’ve found someone more compatible, or younger, or any frivolous reason, it’s not one sin. It’s a daily ongoing sin. Every day you leave your ex-wife in less than cherishing circumstances is a day you have reneged on your vows and newly offend not just your Heavenly Father, but your Heavenly Father in Law.
Women, the same is true for you, as you’re married to one of God’s sons. The man may have disappointed you, but he’s still God’s son. He may have earned less than you thought he would or had more baggage than you realized, but there is no unbiblical divorce that’s a single sin; it’s a daily, on-going sin. While the Bible doesn’t have the same verses about widowers as it does about widows, it does paint Christian husbands as “dearly loved” by God and therefore under His watchful eye.
I mention “unbiblical divorce” because I’m not talking about those forced into divorce to flee abuse and behavior that was slowly destroying them. In those cases, divorce is a cure, not a weapon. In my upcoming book When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom From Toxic Relationships my friend Megan Cox describes her divorce from an abusive and unfaithful husband as a “gift from God.” I don’t want this post to add to the hurt divorced women and men already feel when God has given them refuge. This post addresses a particular kind of divorce, when divorce is used as a weapon instead of a cure.
It’s like chemotherapy: I hate that anyone has to undergo such drastic treatment, but I thank God for the lives chemotherapy has lengthened. It would be the height of cruelty, however, to give chemotherapy to someone who didn’t have cancer and who didn’t need it. Divorce is just like that: terrible, but sometimes necessary, and outright reprehensible if used when not needed.
We live in a culture of binary thinking—when I challenge divorce, I’m going to get pushback from those who feel I’m challenging them because of their own divorce. I’m not. I’ve spoken plenty about the church standing up for women in abusive marriages, in my books and several blog posts such as Enough is Enough. But sometimes, to be honest, anti-abuse advocates are so (understandably) sensitive about defending divorced women they become angry when I mention that most divorces are still a sin, as if I’m judging them. I’m not.
What I am saying here is that unbiblical divorce isn’t just a sin—it’s an ongoing sin. It’s the difference between an unmarried couple that gives into passion one night and has sex and the couple that decides to live together. Spiritually speaking, those are two different situations. Divorce is like the latter.
So, just as I advocated for those who have needed to find refuge in divorce, let’s remember that unbiblical divorce isn’t without consequences. I hate seeing women (and some men) left lonely and aching while some other spouse has “moved on” and finds full acceptance and respect without honestly considering not just the harm they’ve done, but the harm they keep on doing.
Ann Wilson, co-author with her husband of The Vertical Marriage, mentions several conversations with people who got divorced rather young, remarried, and now, looking back, realize they could have and should have made the first marriage work. They were just frustrated and disappointed, and the second marriage convinced them that no marriage is easy. We need to find a way to gently encourage such couples to hang in there and make it work. Without shaming abused women to stay in a destructive marriage, we also have to remind couples that the marriage covenant is a serious one that is designed by God to be broken only by death. We’re in a new phase of the church where, in order to avoid appearing judgmental, we may be becoming too lax and too “tolerant” of divorce for reasons that could and should be fixed. This grieves the heart of God and makes us weaker people while creating a weaker church and hurting children who grow up in broken homes.
So what if you’re that guy or that woman, who divorced your spouse when you know you shouldn’t have? If reconciliation is possible (i.e., if remarriage hasn’t occurred), you work your way back, as much as your ex is willing. If they’re not, you wait. How long? I can’t answer that in this blog, but any responsible answer is measured in years, not months (again, I’m not talking about those who escaped abusive marriage or sexually unfaithful marriages when it might be unwise and unsafe to ever return).
Men, if remarriage isn’t possible, I believe you owe it to your ex to make sure you’re not living better than she is. If someone has a bigger house (or a house instead of an apartment), it should be her. If someone drives a newer car, it should be her. If one of you has to keep working later in life, it should be you. You made a pledge that was between you, your wife, and God. The state’s legal dissolution doesn’t negate a covenant made in the sight of God. Repentance isn’t just about feeling sorry; it involves making things right, as much as it is in your power to do so.
I still stand by my blog post “Enough is Enough,” on not shaming women to stay in abusive marriages. In rare circumstances divorce can be a cure, but far more often it is used as a weapon without considering the ongoing sin that such a divorce represents. As people who made our pledge before a God whose memory is long and whose passion for his children is fierce, let’s live our lives accordingly.
Wow. Wow. Wow. This is spot on in my humble opinion, and I wonder, if we, as Christians, focused more on the sin of divorce rather than alternative lifestyles, I bet our witness in the world would be more to His glory. Wow. Thank Gary Thomas. Please know you are one of my writer heroes. God bless you.
My sons wife had 3 affairs , stole money from him abandoned his 2 children , was hospitalized 3 times for bipolar 1 and schizophrenia, has had the law in involved as she’s been violent , and refuses to take medication . He put her through college and she works , had abandoned him and the kids and still makes their life hell !!! I’m a mom who worked through marital issues and am still married but stinking married life is NOT all it’s cracked up to be FOR sure !!!!!
This is a fantastic letter. I had a conversation with a gentleman who asked if God is such an awesome God, then why are divorce rates so high. I appreciated his question, and I told him that it is in our sinful nature that we find the answers to this question. Whether abuse, or infidelity, it comes down to a human nature that is not inherently good, it is sinful, bent towards doing that which is evil all the time. It is in this nature that we are not selfless, but selfish, we do not have a servants heart, but a deceitful selfish heart. There are definitely strenuous circumstances under which a divorce may be warranted, but generally speaking, most divorces can be avoided and should not happen. Covenant relationships take work and effort and selflessness, if these are not the attitudes we seek to exude, then divorce is the inevitable and tragic consequence.
Blessings to you,
Curt
Could you please give us the Bible verse that you use as a reference point for saying that abuse is Biblical grounds for divorce?
April, This isn’t about proof-texting. Please read these posts: You’ll find plenty of Scriptures in both:
http://www.garythomas.com/enough-enough/
http://www.garythomas.com/goddoesntcareaboutshells/
I’ve been helping people struggling through Divorce for 11 years now by facilitating Divorcecare and week 6 is about What’s the Owners Manual (Bible) say about divorce. That curriculum too doesn’t state a specific scripture for biblical grounds for abuse and I’m asked the question all the time of what specific scripture allows a Biblical divorce for abuse during that lesson. I can conceptually refer to things from the OT, but have never found that one direct message that says here it is! Which leaves many people questioning if their divorce was biblical (because many are divorced by the time they come to this class). As you’ve stated in all three posts, there is a lot of abuse out there. It would be so very helpful to have scripture that says as clearly as the ones that say biblical grounds for adultery and allowing of the unbelieving spouse to leave. I agree with your advice in all three of these posts, but I’m sorry I only saw the reference to Luke 14:26 in the two you shared. The best advice I’ve shared to date that’s provided comfort is that they should pray and ask God to answer because Gods answer will never contradict scripture. Any help for specific verses or those I didn’t see in these three posts would be much appreciated to help guide the many facing this that want that one scripture to hold to.
Thanks for the insightful article as I really do appreciate your heart for and work regarding God’s plan and design for Marriage! Please be willing to read through this completely…
GOD’S DESIGN FOR…MARRIAGE, DIVORCE AND (REMARRIAGE?)/ADULTERY
– God ordained Marriage – Genesis 2:24; Matt. 19:5-6
– Marriage – symbol of Christ and His Bride, the Church – Eph.5:25-27
– God hates divorce – Malachi 2:16
– There are “interpretively” many reasons for “Biblical” divorce all found in the hardness of our hearts…jealousy, money issues, ABUSE, porn(eia), etc. – Matt. 19:7-10
– NO Scriptural basis for remarriage after “allowance” for divorce (both still break from God’s design)
Concerns – 1) Marital unfaithfulness/sexual infidelity – Matt. 19:9 (Divorce allowed, remarriage not discussed as an option?)
2) Unbelieving spouse leaves the marriage – 1 Cor. 7:10-16 (Divorce allowed, remarriage not discussed as an option?)
– One allowance for Remarriage (Death of spouse – 1 Cor. 7:39) as all other remarriage, even in 2 reasons directly above, still ends in adultery for both spouses upon remarriage – Mk. 10:11; Lk. 16:18
– Divorce and remarriage – not the unpardonable sin (Rejection of Christ and Holy Spirit) – Matthew 12:31…therefore Scripture would indicate there is forgiveness and freedom from sins of divorce and remarriage.
Churches (those who make up His Body) seem to want to compromise on these issues by interpreting what makes people feel better but leave so many living in unconfessed sin. Much better that we work from a “holiness” translation of Scripture integral to all teaching on relationships, sexuality, marriage and beyond, than a “happiness” translation that leaves people with great unconfessed (and unforgiven(?)) burdens that continue to destroy future relationships/marriages. Must always reinforce Holy Spirit’s teaching through Paul in Romans 6 that “grace” is no so we can keep on sinning and become a slave to our sin and selfish desires. Rather it is so we can more fully contemplate, live according, and be a slave to His Truth and Righteousness!
Further insights…
Gen 2:24; Heb 13:4 – God designed, instituted and ordered marriage as priority and covenant from the very beginning; Must be honored in integral and pure relationships not only within marriage but before marriage or very difficult to sustain and honor
Mal. 2:14-16…God ‘hates’ divorce because it breaks covenant and breaks down His intent and design for Marriage and it’s impact on spouses, children, Church (Eph. 5: 31, 32; I Tim 3:5) and, ultimately, culture (lose our capacity for ‘covenant’ which negatively affects every other relationship and culture!)
Matt. 19:4-6 (emph. v 6)…Jesus strongly stating that Marriage is not to be broken apart;
Matt. 19:7-9; Mk. 10: 2 – 12; Lk. 16: 18; 1 Cor. 7: 1 – 10…strong commands and implications based on Truth about marriage, sexuality, adultery and divorce that remarriage after divorce constitutes adultery for both parties (even ‘innocent’ party by implication and/or omission?)
Matt. 12:31…not the unpardonable sin and therefore better to know the sin and repent, be forgiven and live in freedom in Christ rather than to ‘burn with lust’ (or continual adultery in lusting)? Paul is speaking to “singles” that have never been married and “widows”…He addresses the person, the relationships desired and the cause. It holds true that someone who has been married and divorced (“widowed”) would not fit into the category of potential and actually desiring (lusting) after another person/ relationship and therefore would be better off marrying (Paul says if possible to return to their first spouse) rather than continually burning with lust (a sin in and of itself).
I always counsel I believe God would desire that married folks stay married and divorced folks stay single but through Christ’s forgiveness, as with any/all other sins except unpardonable sin against Holy Spirit, they can move forward to remarry accepting the Truth of their sin and the Grace of His forgiveness. Not ideal as with any sin…just confessed and forgiven!
1 Tim 3:1-5; Titus 1:5-9…Strong implications regarding Elders/Deacons and divorced/ remarried and servant-leadership in The Church.
Finally I always emphasize 2 foundational issues:
1) Marriage is the epitome of human relationships that are to reflect the “agape” (selfless, sacrificial love of God) to a world devoid of love and to represent Christ and His Bride, The Church. We must first teach and disciple others, beginning with our children in our homes, what Love truly is or none of the rest of this makes any sense and we have very little chance for real marriage honoring and success.
2) If The Church would teach this more strongly, both Truth and Grace, rather than compromise for “happiness” sake, we would have many more people honor marriage and take divorce, remarriage and porneia/adultery much more seriously before ever entering into marriage the first time…I believe that’s what God designed and intended. Would greatly help and bless our marriages, families and churches! Many have confirmed this upon receiving this teaching and seeking His forgiveness by agreeing with His Truth regarding their selfishness and sin and then moving forward in His Grace and Freedom!
That’s a great post Greg, and I read all the way as you asked. Thank you very much for sharing. I still didn’t see the exact scripture that points to grounds for abuse, but have heard others share of the one in Matthew of hardness of hearts. I like what you said at the end about happiness. That was the biggest lesson I got out of the book Sacred Marriage!! Love that book and have referred many to read it!
This one hit home for me. I loved the wife I divorced and incredibly live close to her. While neither of us were perfect, we tried including counseling to keep our marriage going but in the end I still wanted to make it work but she did not and had moved on….. I fully recognize and have asked for forgiveness for my faults in the failure of our relationship. Also went almost 5 years before starting a serious relationship again in hopes we could rekindle things. During that time and since I have supported my two children, treated my ex with dignity and respect both as the mother to my children and as someone I dedicated my life to. Do I still have remorse? Yes I do but also knew that there was effort to repent on my part and to participate where possible in family activities such as our daughter’s wedding where we worked well. I can’t second guess this after 23 years of separation/divorce. At some point we have to move on. The marriage had many faults on both of our parts that could not be reconciled.
I did remarry and we have been to at least 3 of your enrichment seminars with my spouse and enjoy each and ever one of them from the front row.
In my second marriage, I became the stepfather to a great son who while not my blood is treated as my own and I have tried to bring our blended family together. Also went thru pre-marital counseling to prepare us. We have been together almost 18 years. We constantly work hard every day on it to keep it alive and well.
Did my life turn out better than my first wife? I don’t measure it economically but rather spiritually. I know that when my first marriage failed, it took years to recover from it and I prayed during times of loneliness to really be able to move forward. God answered my prayers and did deliver me with a loving partner who accepts me for who I am with all my flaws.
We do participate at church missions, in previous church even led studies. I have recognized my flaws and continually ask for God’s Grace in all that I do. For me it is not a continuing sin but a recognition of a past sin of being unable to salvage a marriage.
I can’t change the past Gary and for many they can still do things to fix a fractured relationship. I pray for them…. The Bible is full of flawed people that went on the be great servants of the Lord. The key is we move forward in a loving way and we turn away from our sinful nature….
Real life is full of people with double lives.
As a Brother, I agree that marriage is sacred and all efforts should be made to preserve or rebuild them when fractured. The key here is that we must get past the sin, acknowledge, repent and move forward without the sinful nature through God’s redeeming grace.
Joe,
Thanks for sharing your story, as it allows me to emphasize a point I made in response to another comment: the point of this post is not to make Christians who have gone through even an unbiblical divorce to keep hitting themselves over the head or continue to hang their heads in shame. We all live by grace alone. The point is to PREVENT the divorces in the first place. Graphic pictures of what kinds of cancer smoking can cause aren’t aired to shame people who must endure smoking-related cancers, but to stop people from smoking in the first place. I don’t want to shame people who are facing the pain of divorce; I want to point out its perilous nature so that many who may be wavering don’t walk down that path.
The second point is to spur those who have used divorce as a weapon to stop doing so and address the consequences of their sin as much as they are able and as much as it is needed (in your case, it doesn’t sound like there is a need). “Moving on” doesn’t mean leaving an ex-spouse in dire and sad circumstances while the offending spouse prospers.
In your case, thank God for his grace and mercy. Be faithful to your wife, as you are. Rejoice that because of Christ, whose death and resurrection we will soon celebrate again, all of us sinners can enjoy peace with God and cleansed consciences.
Gary, for sure divorce, is a very complex subject
I have been married for 18 years. My journey has been pretty hard, I had survived 18 long years of resentment yes towards my husband because of his infidelity right after getting married. The ongoing sin makes sense but also can exist into the marriage, because of the resentment and pain that the partner has cost had kept me from true forgiveness and for so long I lived and a true misery. During these couple of years, God has taught me to forgive myself and forgive my husband and it’s been delivering,although I have tried every possible way to keep pursuing this marriage but everything is done by me, going to your conferences buying books, encouraging to pray together Bible classes etc etc, (by the way for the very first time I had miss you last conference this past weekend. 🙁 because I was hoping he was going to pursue it by himself but did t happen.
I had contemplated divorce but I keep reminding myself the promise I have done to God. I have realized that I am in an ”emotional divorce,” we are living in separate bedrooms for almost a year. I feel that we had hit the end of the ground and the only reason that keeping me
going is my daughter’s and I am trying my best to focus on them before they leave for college. I tried to keep my eyes on God and keep praying for wisdom to be able to find them
The way for a real reconciliation. (I hope I have made sense )
What is your opinion on “ emotional divorce”?
Thank you Gary! My heart has been broken after 28 years of marriage. I loved him, I trusted him. My heart break continues day after day. No one wants to defend me or stand up to him including our adult children who don’t want to get involved. Their fathers actions go against everything our family stood for. I am so hurt and angry.
My divorce was due to infidelity on both our parts. His porn and mine a physical affair. He filed for divorce and I didn’t contest it. The deacons in the church told him to throw all my stuff out on the lawn and kick me out. He didn’t go that far. He loudly proclaimed my sin and even in the divorce papers in the first line it states that it is because of my affair. I didn’t tell anyone of his mental adultery via porn that had been on going for years, owned what I did. We have 5 kids and I have not told them about their father’s adultery. He has told them every detail of mine. I have sought forgiveness from my ex-husband and my children. I have received that. I have repented. I am now remarried to a Godly man whose wife had an affair and left him multiple times over a period of 30 years. She filed for divorce. We brought a lot of hurt and baggage into this marriage but I have seen God restore two people. The pain of divorce doesn’t go away especially when you grew up being told that divorce is the unpardonable sin. My relationship with the Lord is much richer and my understanding of God’s grace in much deeper. My ex-husband is not remarried is there anything that I should being doing for him, as you mentioned the ex-husband should do for his ex- wife?
Having experienced a painful divorce many years ago, because of continual unfaithfulness, it’s easy to understand why “God hates divorce.” Malachi 2:16 (some versions don’t us those exact words.) It is worse than the death of a spouse because it’s not only a huge loss, it is also a painful rejection. As you have stated, the pain shows up in many ways throughout a person’s life especially when children are involved. I’m so grateful that God redeems our pain when we keep in step with His Spirit and allows us to minister to others with genuine understanding. I don’t
wish divorce on anyone but I am here to say God is faithful and so near and dear to the broken-hearted. Thanks so much Gary, for confronting this “ongoing sin” with boldness and clarity. Hopefully the Church will heed your admonition.
Cannot wait to read your book. I know God will use it to bless many. I was a SAHM and homeschooled our 3 children for 17 years. I stayed probably longer than I should have. Emotional abuse is hard to work through…unrepentant, ongoing adultery made it easier to choose divorce. And I totally agree with your friend; it was God’s gift to me.
Should the good Lord tarry, I will be working for the rest of my life. I’m working to get my teacher’s license and I’m excited about the future. God is good-all the time. 🙂
Thank you, thank you, thank you for clearing stating that abuse is a biblical cause for divorce. And, thank you for using Megan Cox as a resource – I follow her blog and she a great encouragement for abuse survivors like me.
Christians need to understand what domestic abuse is and how it is perpetrated. I met my abuser helping in church kid’s club. This sin happens in our churches and needs to be addressed.
I’ve been divorced from my abuser for almost 10 years, and the sin he commits against me is on-going. The divorce does provide some boundaries, but since we have a minor aged child, he still has her to use as a tool to hurt me. And, of course, my daughter won’t have the childhood I desired for her due to her father’s abusive choices. I appreciate your reminder that God is aware of how my abuser’s behavior is hurting me and that He is bigger than my abuser.
What about men who have to suffer mental and verbal abuse from their wife? All this talk of abusive men. The church likes to demonize men and it needs to stop.
Matthew, if you read the post, you’ll see I mention women sinning against men as well. I understand your hurt, and it’s a true statement that we talk more about women being abused than men being abused. That’s because, in part, far more women are abused in marriage than men. And the typical (not universal) strength disparity makes it far more frightening. This isn’t to minimize the very deep and personal hurt that men feel when they are savaged themselves in marriage, and then ridiculed because it’s the wife who is doing that. You won’t find that attitude here, and I don’t believe it’s present in this blog post. But I also suspect you are responding to many other communications that have hurt you deeply, and for that I’m truly sorry.
The marriage covenant is for all who choose to marry. Abused or not. Luke 6:32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.” Jesus is clear we need to help everyone keep their marriage covenant. This is Godly. It’s in loving the “unlovable” that God is revealed and glorified.
I have come to realize that the individual who broke the covenant in my marriage was my abuser. He stood in front of a room full of people and pledged to love me. Instead, while married to him I lived in a state of constant fear and was treated like an object to use and abuse at his pleasure.
God is not revealed or glorified by abuse victims staying in a “marriage.” It is not loving behavior to allow this abuse to continue. It is enabling sin, which is a great evil. Our churches should be protecting these victims and holding their abusers accountable for their sin.
I’m curious to know how many years of severe abuse have you and your vulnerable children lived through and walked through with the Lord, in order to position you to make such a blanket statement with such authority?
Thank you Gary for speaking out on this topic. I agree
Gary, I like your article. it is very insightful. I’m Curious what bible passages define biblical divorce? Adultery is an easy one. I’m not sure there are any other. BTW, death is not a “divorce” but does allow for remarriage. Not that any other circumstances are not a problem, but can we qualify any others for a biblical divorce?
Ross,
That’s a fair question, but I couldn’t honor it with a short answer to a comment in a blog post. I’ll give you the Scriptures without comment by offering a link to another site.
https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/divorce-bible-verses/
Strong words…but aligned with right scripture thinking. Thank you for the courage to write this
Interesting blog. I have been divorced for over 22 years now. The reasons were probably not biblical as we were both young. He was on drugs, and I blamed him for all our problems. After our divorce, I carried a huge chip on my shoulder into my next marriage. Praise God that He showed me I was to blame as much as my ex-husband was. I had the opportunity to repent before Christ, and go to my ex and apologize for MY part in our divorce. Not that we’ve been best buds over the last 20 or so years, however, we’ve remained civil.
In fact, recently, after 5 failed marriages, a couple of kids, drugs and alcoholism, my ex has reached out to me and asked questions about God, Jesus, and where his soul will end up. I’ve spent hours on the phone with him talking to him about surrendering his life to Christ. He has seen the change in ME, and I think that’s why he’s reached out.
Repentance is a beautiful thing. Praise God for His Spirit of compassion and correction.
Yes, April, and praise God for his grace that doesn’t treat us as we deserve. Even if we have sinned, including the sin of divorce, he’s not done with us. He’ll show mercy and even favor and keep inviting us back into relationship with him first, and then each other. We are blessed to be the people of such an amazing God.
I’m so glad someone finally spoke out about the “ongoing” pain and sin of divorce. My husband left and divorced me. Its the continued offenses to this day against me and our young sons that pains me and leaves me in a place I have to forgive again and again and again. It never stops 🙁
Shannan, you’re exactly the kind of person God gave me a particular empathy for and why I believe he led me to write this post. Please join me in praying that it may stop at least one other man from leaving his wife in the position you’re in. And I pray God will especially spoil you with His presence and comfort as you face the consequences of your ex-husband’s sin.
Gary,
What should church’s do about the ongoing sin of divorce? Particularly what should they do about the widows like Heather who seem to be have been dealt a life time of suffering as a result of their divorce. We try to help people become over-comers of their worst tragedies, but sometimes divorce leaves people (particularly women) alone, broken and vulnerable. We have an active ministry for widows here at our church but a “divorce-widow” doesn’t seem to fit the category. Our DivorceCare group helps but at times it doesn’t seem enough to address the ongoing sin of divorce. I am glad you wrote about it as it increases the awareness and God is enough for them but it is an issue that plagues our churches. We want to be compassionate and understanding to those who are in this situation.
Thanks for bringing this up, Barry. Here at Second Baptist, we have an auto mechanic ministry that fixes the cars of widows and single moms for free. That’s just one practical example of trying to make life a little more bearable. The early church sought to address the world’s callousness by picking up and raising abandoned babies. Perhaps we need to find a way, as you suggest, to include more single moms (at least the ones who need or want it) as part of our ministry to “widows” to address this century’s callousness. I’d love to hear more ideas. Having raised three children with my wife, I can’t even imagine trying to do it on my own.
Gary, love the auto mechanic ministry. My husband abandoned our family, then divorced me after 25 years of marriage. I was left with parenting four teenagers, as a social widow. He had multiple affairs while we were married but I remained faithful. He is now living with a young woman who gave up custody of her kids to be with him. I just paid $2000 to have a new transmission put into my 2004 Yukon, which was the family vehicle while we were married. I can’t afford to buy a more economical car. He drives a Porsche and Harley Davidson and he bought the girlfriend a BMW. He lives in a 2400 square foot, 10 year old house in a newer subdivision. I live in a 1600 square foot, 55 year old “foreclosed” house in need of repair in a high crime area. It was the only house I could afford while putting 4 kids through college, which he refused to help with. I had been a SAHM homeschool mom previously and am now a SPED teacher in the lowest paid state in the nation. Yes I could use the mechanicministry. Thank you for your matter of fact way of delivering the truth. God bless you.
Gary, thank you for this. I married a man who was divorced after his wife had an affair and left. Through coming to know and love my husband I watched him wrestle with the pain in his soul even many years later. I can testify to the ongoing pain and destruction to the soul such divorces cause. Thankfully God used our marriage to bring much healing and restoration to him before he passed away. Thank you for your ministry.
And thank you, Carol, for ministering to one of God’s sons who was so wounded… I believe there will be a special reward waiting for you when you join your husband in eternity.