Back in the days when people went to the movies, “Grease” owned the summer of 1978. John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John singing “Summer Loving, had me a blast; summer loving, happened so fast” typified dating culture for my friends and me. Whether you’re on vacation, at a summer internship, or even doing a short-term missions trip, “summer loving” can grip singles’ hearts like a vise. If that’s you, or you know of someone in that situation, you might want to pass this on. Two things can lead summer loving astray, and summer loving couples best be forewarned!
“He was worth waiting for.”
My oldest daughter’s heartfelt words warmed my heart. She was 38 when she got married last year and there had been some considerable heartbreak before then, with several breakups. Many times, our Ally thought God was keeping her waiting too long. But once she met Kyle, she knew he was worth waiting for and now she wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve often said, “Wouldn’t you rather be married for forty rewarding years, than in an ill-chosen marriage for fifty?” Thirty-eight feels “old” to a lot of people as far as first marriage goes, but Ally’s grandparents on my side both lived into their nineties. It’s not inconceivable that she could still have fifty years with Kyle.
Waiting to make a wise choice is the wise thing to do. And if you’re still single and a bit anxious about it, there are two things you should absolutely be aware of that might lead you into a premature and foolish choice: blindly ignoring infatuation, and initiating premarital sexual intimacy.
In his book This is Your Brain in Love, Dr. Earl Henslin warns of couples whose brains are literally hijacked (Dr. Henslin calls it “mental kidnapping”) by infatuation. I thought I may have hit infatuation too hard in my own book, The Sacred Search, but after reading Henslin’s book, I’m wondering if I hit it hard enough. According to Henslin, “there have even been semi-serious suggestions among scientists that the unhealthily love-obsessed should be given a good dose of an SSRI (anti-obsessive antidepressant) to clear up the brain fog and open their eyes to reality.”
Infatuation is what it is; what it’s not is accurate. Infatuation leads you to concoct a person who doesn’t really exist. Neuroscientists call it “idealization.” You miss that person’s faults, you create fake strengths, and you won’t listen to anyone who tries to point out concerns and flaws. You may even be tempted to hate anyone who suggests the one you love isn’t an absolutely perfect fit for you.
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