While I am regularly amazed by how well so many Christian women love their husbands and families, some husbands are married to women who are spiritually immature or addicted. It’s a rock-solid biblical truth that even the best of us, on our best days, still “stumble in many ways” (James 3:2). In the course of my travels and correspondence, I’ve been approached by a few husbands who want to honor God and their marriage vows even though they are struggling with wives who are contentious or sometimes even mentally ill. Some wives can be outright selfish or lazy. And it is almost automatic that the worse a wife is in her character, the less she will appreciate the excellence of her husband’s faith and devotion.
Few pastors/writers/speakers will talk about this. It’s easier and safer and we will get far less blowback if we simply join in the chorus that berates men and asks husbands to step up, so we routinely make men “the bad guys” when it comes to marital situations and stories. This is somewhat fair. As a pastor, it’s far more common for me to see women carry heavier burdens than most men when it comes to a spouse’s sin—but it’s not absolute. And you men who do suffer often do so in isolation and without support or acknowledgment, so this one blog is for you. God has increased my pastoral heart and I don’t want you to feel neglected and alone. If you haven’t read my other posts or books—ones that routinely challenge men more than women, please don’t judge where I’m coming from by this one blog post. I’ve written about a dozen blog posts and included several chapters in many books to encourage women married to particularly troublesome men.
This post was inspired when a husband spoke to me about his wife at a recent conference. She has a mental illness, and when she takes her medications, things are tolerable. When she doesn’t—he does his best to hold on, often heroically. His sweet spirit and determination to honor God amidst an extremely difficult marriage inspired me. Of course, sometimes, it’s not about mental illness—a wife’s spiritual weakness or lack of character can be just as taxing. These husbands also deserve some consideration. Finally, every husband faces the challenge of loving a less-than-perfect wife, just as every wife faces the challenge of loving a sinful husband. Nobody today is married in the perfect Garden of Eden.
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