Sacred Marriage’s subtitle: “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” has stirred a lot of debate. In the updated revision, I made sure to clarify that holiness secures our happiness rather than threatens it. It was a happy occasion for me to find that in book II of Ambrose’s On the Duties of the Clergy (you can read our summary of Book I HERE), Ambrose likewise ties virtue and happiness into an indissoluble knot: “So great is the splendor of a virtuous life that a peaceful conscience and a calm innocence work out a happy life.” Such a life is free from the opinion of others. “It needs no popular opinion as its reward in any way; nor has it any fear of punishments.” He insists Scripture teaches that happiness arises largely from “a knowledge of divine things and on the fruit of good works.”
Pursue holiness and find happiness!
When I challenged the notion of putting a priority on emotional happiness in Sacred Marriage, it was to counter the contemporary actions of those openly admitting God might not be pleased with how they were acting, but trying to excuse this with the statement, “Doesn’t God want me to be happy?” Happiness has many definitions and distortions, a fact that many of my early (and current) critics perhaps fail to consider. And our reluctance to put a priority on pursuing holiness, in fact, even thinking that holiness might be counter to our overall happiness, is a sad indictment of how little we read the ancients and how shallowly we read Scripture.
Ambrose goes on to highlight the “virtuous life” as something to be favored and pursued above riches and fame: “No state is so blessed as that wherein one is free from sin, is filled with innocence, and is fully supplied with the grace of God…Innocence, then, and knowledge make a man blessed.”
No state is so blessed…. If that’s true, why do we pursue making money with far more vigor than we do pursuing holiness? Why do we put more effort in romantic relationships than we do living lives of purity before God? Why don’t we value holiness like the ancients and Scripture do?
To be lacking in character should alarm us far more than to be lacking in money. True blessing, the only kind that matters and fulfills, is found in obedience, not in the fulfillment of worldly desires.
Ambrose completely turns “worldly” views of happiness upside down: “Riches, then, give no assistance to living a blessed life, a fact that the Lord clearly shows in the Gospel, saying: ‘Blessed are ye poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are they that hunger and thirst now, for they shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now, for ye shall laugh.’ Thus it is stated as plainly as possible that poverty, hunger, and pain, which are considered to be evils, not only are not hindrances to a blessed life, but are actually so many helps toward it.”
This line of thinking is why I still confidently say that God can use even a difficult (as opposed to an abusive) marriage to lead us to a blessed life. A difficult marriage doesn’t lead to a “happy” life if you define happiness by emotional ecstasy, but it does lead to happiness if you value the blessedness that comes from a life of obedience, surrender and a more devout character.
Ambrose calls the very things most people seek—riches, abundance of possessions, and joy without pain—“hindrances to the fruits of blessedness. Corporal or external things are not only no assistance to attaining a blessed life, but are even a hindrance to it.”
Think about the revolutionary thought behind this: according to Ambrose, the very things most people seek to be happy lead them away from happiness; those things most people fear will make them unhappy are the very things that lead to true happiness. “It is quite certain that virtue is the only and the highest good; that it alone richly abounds in the fruit of a blessed life; that a blessed life, by means of which eternal life is won, does not depend on external corporal benefits, but on virtue only. A blessed life is the fruit of the present, and eternal life is the hope of the future.”
Ambrose does qualify this a little: he points out that it’s not a blessed thing to suffer per se, but it is blessed to not be overcome by suffering. We shouldn’t view (and certainly not seek) suffering as an end in itself, but when we face it, we should humbly use it as a tool for our character. Suffering, in the wrong spirit, and without surrendering to God, can ruin us rather than build us. On the other hand, a life without any suffering is, according to Scripture, a life half-baked: “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4).
After extolling how the virtuous life is the happy life, Ambrose praises virtues like love, gentleness, and kindness, which he sees as the bedrock for genuine effective ministry. Some people might be impressed by our clever words, but the truest ministry flows from virtue: “Uprightness in life, excellence in virtues, habits of benevolence, and the charm of good-nature have very great weight.” In other words, listen to people who display the most character rather than the people with the most creative speaking style. And if you want to be listened to, focus on your character as much as you focus on your message.
Ambrose further believes that it is essential for leaders to “despise riches” and be liberal givers. However, giving should be handled methodically so that it never becomes a show of piety, and so that we don’t so drain our funds that we have nothing left to give if other true needs arise. As he stated in Book I, Ambrose says leaders should be known for their mercy and generosity.
Chapter XX is an inspiring take on discipleship and mentorship. As many of you know, Ambrose played a key role in leading Augustine to faith and then growing his faith, so he speaks from experience when he urges younger leaders to seek out wise and virtuous older leaders. “It is a very good thing to unite oneself to a good man. It is also very useful for the young to follow the guidance of great and wise men. For he who lives in company with wise men is wise himself.” (Ambrose is writing from the fourth century, and to clergy, so of course he uses only male pronouns. It is not my intention to exclude women from applying these words about the importance of mentoring and being mentored.)
It’s the duty of older leaders to advise the young, and the duty of younger leaders to seek out the old. “Beautiful, therefore, is the union between old and young. The one to give witness, the other to give comfort; the one to give guidance, the other to give pleasure…. The elders took the lead in giving counsel, the younger in showing activity.”
By following the example of godly elders, younger leaders can develop the proper spirit (not just gifts!) for ministry, which is the opposite of ambition. “He ought to avoid disputes, to hate quarrels. He ought to restore unity and the grace of quietness.” Some try to sell their books today by purposefully generating controversy, a strategy Ambrose would vigorously denounce. He does leave space for calling out those who must be called out, but is gracious and even-handed as he does so: “Never protect a wicked man, nor allow the sacred things to be given over to an unworthy one; on the other hand, do not harass and press hard on a man whose fault is not clearly proved.” Those of us who don’t like to play the “prophetic role” need to be careful that our reluctance is based on character rather than weakness: “In the cause of God, where there is danger to the whole church, it is no small sin to act as though one saw nothing.”
Rivalry and personal ambition have no place in Ambrose’s view of church life. He warns that we should never seek advancement at the cost of someone else. And he vehemently warns against the love of money. Among the early church fathers, he is one who speaks against the love of money more than he does against lust.
Ambrose ends Book II by encouraging a practical and thoughtful approach to ministry: being neither too flippant and cavalier, nor too fearful to act: “My sons, think before you act, and when you have thought long then do what you consider right.” In other words, don’t be hasty to jump to conclusions, but after due diligence, don’t be a coward with what you know.
That’s a sermon in itself!
Next week, we’ll summarize Ambrose’s Book III. In the meantime, if you want a step-by-step approach to growing Christian character, consider The Glorious Pursuit: Becoming Who God Created You to Be, HERE If you’d like a summary of other teaching on the Christian classics, check out Thirsting For God, HERE.
This prompts a reflection I have had for a while (without a firm conclusion). How do we nurture a heart that is formed in such peace but also an environment (or atmosphere) of healing when there is a disordered love. As I go on, I appreciate more and more the role of “quietness” or retreats of silence and solitude where we listen to God through His Word and prayer. These seem more and more important as our times have become “noisier” with options as well as distractions. Any thoughts on that? Or rhythms that the church fathers or mothers suggested for such renewing/healing with God?
Brian, I completely agree that we need “quietness” in a chaotic world. All the ancients point us there, as does Scripture (“In quietness and confidence is your strength” Isa. 30:15). When our kids were young, I got mine in by getting up before everyone else. My wife found hers by staying up later. We had a friend who, when the kids were young and they lived in a small house, went into the one bathroom, turned off the light, and turned on a water faucet to drown out the noise. I found myself taking solitary walks on the way home from work over the Virginia battlefields. Having small kids means we may have to limit the length of these solitary forays, but sometimes even a little time away can make a big difference. Richard Foster has a great chapter on solitude in “The Celebration of Discipline” and Timothy Jones wrote an entire book on it called: “A Place for God: A Guide to Spiritual Retreats and Retreat Centers”