Patrick and Michelle’s daughter has lived with her boyfriend for two years. She knows her parents disapprove but she’s open to continuing their relationship. She’s warned them that any “sermons” or even “sighs of disappointment” will threaten future contact, so they’ve settled into an uneasy distance in their relationship. Patrick asked me for prayer because he had taken the time to find a creative birthday card for his very artistic daughter and a thoughtful gift. He spent days crafting just the right (non-judgmental) message; and, eight weeks later, he still hadn’t received even an acknowledgement of the card or gift.
Because of Jesus, we believers enjoy much joy in the Lord, happiness in our salvation, delight in receiving from God every day, a quiet fulfillment that flows from seeking first the Kingdom of God and proclaiming Jesus as rightful King, and confidence in the future because we know God is walking with us.
We wouldn’t trade these spiritual blessings for anything. The Christian life is a rich life of mercy and we are all ultimately spoiled by our Heavenly Father.
But in another sense the Christian life is a sad life, a hard life, a life of much sorrow and pain.
We hurt and will continue to hurt because we care.
Why might Christian couples and parents hurt more than others do? For us, it’s not enough that our marriages stay together, or that our children or grandchildren are healthy and gainfully employed. We care even more about our loved ones’ hearts and salvation. Because we live in a fallen world, and because every individual must make her or his own decision as to whether they will acknowledge Jesus as King, we are vulnerable to the biggest hurt and the most intense pain imaginable: a spiritually lost loved one.
The apostle Paul experienced this personally, as he wrote in Romans 9:1: “I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience is testifying to me with the Holy Spirit—that I have intense sorrow and continual anguish in my heart.”
Think about this: Paul, the mighty apostle who had a special vision of the heavenlies and who had seen Jesus in a direct revelation still lived with “intense sorrow and continual anguish.” This pain and anguish were part of Paul’s inheritance as a follower of Christ. Why? Because Paul cared. It mattered to Paul that Israel—his extended family—acknowledge Jesus as Lord. Israel’s temple seemed secure, their nation seemed to be at peace, but in Paul’s mind their alienation from God was too terrible to contemplate. He couldn’t rest while his fellow Jews refused to acknowledge Jesus as their Messiah. The only way he could avoid “intense sorrow and continual anguish” was to stop caring, and for Paul that wasn’t an option.
In 2004, Oprah Winfrey made headlines by giving her entire studio audience free automobiles. At first, there was overwhelming gratitude. Later, a few recipients grew angry when they discovered how much they’d have to pay in taxes for their free car. Many of us were astonished at the anger leveled against a woman who had done such a kind deed.
When we first become believers, we may be astonished at all the “free things” we get—Salvation! Joy! Peace! But later we’ll discover there are some “taxes” to pay in this world, including the hurt we feel over those who are spiritually lost. The joy we feel over our salvation turns into anguish over a loved one’s alienation from God.
This is the “cost” of being a believer. There’s no way out of it as long as we live in a world that isn’t yet completely surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. It’s like wanting the clean air of Aspen—without the snow or altitude. Christianity involves tremendous joy and searing pain. They don’t cancel each other out but rather are the two sides of having certain hope in a fallen world.
Blog posts like this can’t remove your pain; rather, they’re meant to validate it, to tell you you’re not alone, and encourage you with the truth that such pain has been the cost of following Jesus for every earnest believer who has ever lived. It’s normal to hurt every day over a spiritually lost loved one. That’s the cross we bear as Christians.
It’s why Patrick still prays for his daughter with hope and still grieves for his daughter with anguish. He hurts because he cares, and so will we.
Thank you so much for this.
This blogpost was exactly what I needed today! Thank you so much for listening to the Holy Spirit! The story for our family and what we’re dealing with is way too long to go into but this post was like a balm to me!!
Thank you so much for this motivational article. I’m so blessed.
What we perceive to be the “costs” of following Jesus are due to our misunderstandings and failure to see the unfathomable riches of Christ. We just think they are costs. They aren’t. They are the leaving behind of the things that hold no value.
I cannot tell you how timely this message is for me today as I grieve for friends and family members and rejoice at my own and my children’s salvation. Thank you Lord Jesus for allowing us to walk with you – even in your perfection, your heart broke for us as ours does for others.
I needed this today. It’s been 2 years since our daughter’s talked with us. We were the bearers of bad news: that the guy she lived with (her 1st bf) had gotten arrested for soliciting a prostitute. Thanks to cell phones and his job he was able to keep it hidden from her for 6 months. She thankfully is no longer with him but is still estranged from us.
I hold onto the HOPE that God will never give up on her and that He will bring something more miraculous out of this than I can even imagine (Eph 3:20).
When I used to hear that we should strive to become more like Christ, I never imagined it would include feeling rejected, abandoned, unappreciated, and heartbroken over our loved ones. But once I realized Christ knows exactly how we feel, I saw that this is nothing new for him and that he is grieving alongside us.
I agree that we hurt because we care and love SO MUCH. But I would rather pay this cost than to live without the love and promises of our Savior.
I’m so sorry to hear this, Bailey. My heart goes out to you! I was reading the gospel of Mark today where Jesus tells His followers that He will suffer and go to the cross. Immediately after that , when Peter says may it never be, Jesus tells the disciples (and us) that they (we) too must take up our cross if we’re to follow Him. I just want to say, that that’s what this situation seems to me – you taking up your cross. I will pray for your strength, peace, and joy in the midst of this sorrow as you follow our Holy, awesome, loving Saviour.
Bless you,
elaine light
Thank you, Ella!
Thank you. This validation helps me press on with faith.
Thank you for this. I grieve for the city of Baltimore everyday. Daily killings.