When Family and Faith Collide

A dysfunctional family or an extremely close and connected family both present spiritual temptations. In one searing teaching, Jesus’ words expertly heal and wisely redirect us toward the healthiest spiritual response.

“‘Who is My mother and who are My brothers?’ And stretching out His hand toward His disciples, He said, ‘Here are My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven, that person is My brother and sister and mother” (Matthew 12:48-50).

A year ago, my wife and I read through the Bible chronologically. In a chronological Bible, popular statements of Jesus are collected, so you read the same teaching three times in a row. That’s what happened to us with this one in Matthew 12:46-50; Mark 3:31-35; and Luke 8:19-21. Reading these episodes back-to-back-to-back emphasizes the astonishing message that today’s church perhaps hasn’t grappled with as well as other ages of the church have, and that’s regarding how faith and family may sometimes collide. To save and preserve the family, we may have made an idol of it, as if Jesus died primarily to keep earthly families together. Those who come from irredeemably broken homes may feel like God has forgotten or even forsaken them and that their lives are a failure. Those from connected homes may be misled to value their earthly connections above their heavenly ones. Both are real spiritual dangers.

Jesus seems to reject the claim his earthly family was making on Him to stop what He was doing and pay attention to them. Two family members, James and Jude, became early leaders in the church and even wrote letters in the New Testament. What Jesus said about His family didn’t ultimately cast them away. Did it offend them at the time? We don’t know. Did they eventually get through the crowds and get to see Him? Again, we’re not told. The interpersonal dynamics of Jesus’ earthly family didn’t matter to the Gospel writers nearly as much as Jesus’ message that allegiance to God and commitment to obeying him supersedes familial blood.

This is a challenge and a hope, depending on your family.

Jesus is telling us that the two pillars of life in Christ are allegiance to Him and obedience to His word (“whoever does the will of My Father in heaven”). He emphasized this even further on another occasion when a woman shouted out, “Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.” and Jesus replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it” (Luke 11:27-28).

In the first century, there was no higher calling for a Jewish woman than to become a mother, and no greater hope than that she might give birth to the Messiah. Jesus rejects the notion that a woman’s highest call is to be a physical mother. More blessed than the woman who was his physical mother, Jesus says, is the woman who spiritually obeys what He teaches. There is no getting around this: to Jesus, God’s Kingdom matters more than family.

This call to obedience may be challenged when a family member doesn’t share (or perhaps even resents) your allegiance to Christ. In such circumstances, you may be tempted to appease a family member rather than stand strong in the faith and obedience to God’s Word, altering what you believe or at least what you say you believe. You may be tempted to compromise your beliefs in order to “keep the peace,” but by that act you are assaulting the peace and unity of God’s family, which is gathered around the worship of God and obedience to His word. Jesus is clear: He is creating a new family, a more important family, and as much as we should value our earthly families, our ultimate allegiance is to Christ’s spiritual family.

This same passage is a hope for those who have felt the sting of a broken home. Perhaps your family members were abusive and are no longer safe to be around; maybe they are dead or they have rejected you. When, for instance, a young woman comes from a dysfunctional home and wants a healthy relationship with a mom, she may never find it with the woman who gave birth to her—but God can lead her to an older woman in the church, a woman who worships God and affirms her commitment to God’s commandments—and be mentored in a way that nurtures her soul. Instead of despairing over what this fallen world has taken away, she can find joy in what faith in Jesus offers: spiritual mothers, spiritual fathers, spiritual sisters, brothers, sons and daughters in Christ. Relish your commitment to God’s body.

Of course, we hope and pray that each earthly family member will join God’s family so that we can share faith and a last name. But life in a fallen world is sometimes about learning how to live with loss. If your children, parents, or siblings have a “problem” with you because of your faith and your commitment to the commands of Jesus, grieve that loss but respond by building healthy relationships in God’s family that, in eternity, will be just as strong and just as (if not more) important.

Of course, there is no greater joy than when family members with the same last name are also brothers and sisters in Christ who proclaim and worship the Name above all names. As I wrote last week, my faith is my greatest motivation to stay engaged with my family and to stay motivated in my marriage. This post is for those who, sadly, have to choose…

From this famous encounter of Jesus with his family, we see that some of us need to be reminded not to let an overly connected family tempt us to compromise our faith. Others of us need to be reminded not to let a dysfunctional or broken family cause us to despair. Jesus offers an affirming Heavenly Father and united spiritual sisters and brothers joined in worship and obedience to the words of Christ. Let’s embrace what Jesus offers and learn to value what He values.