After having many Substack readers review the full manuscript of “When Christian Parents Hurt,” one very helpful commenter pushed back a bit, saying, “You haven’t really answered the ultimate question: how can I be happy knowing one or more of my children may end up in hell?” For Christian parents, this is the source of much angst.
I had to go back to square one and craft an entirely new chapter based solely on this question. I’m not sure I’ve got it, yet, but I want to offer it here for your review. This is one of the things I love about the paid side of Substack: I can put something in process out there to a more limited audience and get your feedback, while also hopefully providing a little encouragement and hope for many of you now, as the book won’t be published until the fall of 2027.
If you’re so inclined, I’d love to get your feedback in the comments: are these words a comfort? Do they ring true? How is the tone? For the theologically inclined, do they handle scripturally faithfully (my primary concern)? I am no universalist, but I also believe there is reasonable hope parents can glean from the Scriptures’ revelation about God. Please let me know what you think.
Finally, as this is still a work in process, I’m asking you not to post or quote from this chapter in any other forum. Thank you for respecting that.
It is understandable, and even holy, that your heart is broken over the spiritual fate of a loved one. The stakes are real, and eternity is, forgive me, a really long time. Biblical truth calls us to live with some unpleasant realities, and it is not appropriate for me to offer false hope.
But I can offer you some real hope, grounded in Scripture, as well as some spiritual comfort for those who find it difficult to think of anything else.
God Will Be Enough for You
Of one thing I am certain: God’s love is enough for you and will be enough for you, for all eternity. In the presence of God, nothing will keep you from eternal happiness. You won’t need God plus a good spouse, a good job, or even a beloved child. When you actually see God, and enter His presence, you will be overcome with the sufficiency of who he is.
If it’s difficult for us to fully believe this now, that’s because we don’t see God clearly now. We see through a “glass darkly.” On this earth, we feel we need more. On this earth, it is not good to be alone. But in God’s direct presence, life will feel perfect—emotionally, spiritually, physically, relationally, and intellectually—because it will be perfect. And we won’t be alone. We will experience community unlike anything we have ever known. You won’t be just a parent, or a spouse, or a sibling, or a friend. We will relate to each other on an entirely new level. Jesus hinted at this in his “high priestly prayer” in John 21: “that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.” Our unity in heaven will somehow mirror the Trinity’s unity.
Since you’re able to cope now, in this imperfect world, without knowing about your child’s eternal status right now, you can certainly thrive there. I suspect this fear—of putting yourself in eternity without knowing all the facts—is a spiritual temptation meant to distract you from worship and service today. Our hope is so real and so certain and so glorious, but Satan wants to steal as much of that joy and hope from us as he can. There will be no regrets or losses felt in heaven. None.
The Heart of Our Hope
Secondly, we know God is love. His ways are lovely, merciful, compassionate, and glorious. Our terror over what might be should be overwhelmed by our thoughts of God’s perfection, grace, kindness and compassion. I know that I know that I know that I can trust God. He is so good, beyond kind, and that is where I’ll place my hope.
Many of my readers have different theological backgrounds, so let me try to address several of them. Those of you who baptized your infants can find hope in what the Reformed tradition calls a “covenant grounding.”[1] More powerful than your child’s rebellion is the force of God’s promises in baptism and the seal of the Holy Spirit. Perhaps you don’t see the “fruit” of that seal, but the seal doesn’t rest on your child’s obedience.
Those who saw your children baptized in believer’s baptism can take comfort in the fact that God knows how to keep those who entrust their hearts to him. That moment of salvation was like a hook they bit into. The fisherman may let the fishing line “run” as the fish swims madly in the opposite direction, but there will be a moment when the Great Fisherman begins to slowly reel that fish back in. Believer’s baptism as a physical act does not guarantee salvation—but it may well mark a genuine conversion, and then the spiritual state of your loved one is in God’s capable hands.
Those who haven’t seen your child baptized either way can still find hope in that God reveals himself as gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love (Exodus 34:6-7), a description repeated throughout Scripture. God is loving. God is compassionate. God isn’t just fair, He is merciful. So, we rest in His character and nature, not our children’s decisions. We don’t need to know how things will turn out for everyone in our lives; just that everyone is in the hands of a beautiful, glorious, and merciful God whom we can trust to the very core of our being.
We don’t trust in our children’s self-discipline. We don’t put our hope in their repentance. We don’t rely on their surrender for our security. A parent will find solace in only one place: the nature and character of our wonderful and glorious God. This has been a recurring theme throughout this book. For every one moment you ponder what is happening with your rebellious or hurting child, linger an hour on the goodness of your heavenly Father. If one of your children is rebelling against God, you will find comfort in becoming an enthusiastic worshipper of God.
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