Though this blog focuses a lot (though not exclusively) on marriage, we don’t address physical intimacy all that often. Even so, I’ve spoken to many couples who have found that a few honest conversations, a little new effort, and a bit of creativity can rejuvenate this aspect of their relationship with tremendous benefits. We certainly don’t want to put too much emphasis on it, but neither do we want to act as if it doesn’t matter. This blog post is an invitation to consider where you’re at, look at what might yet lie ahead, and offer a few resources if you think this is an area of your marriage that could use a bit of a tune-up.
When it comes to physical intimacy, what if your best days are ahead of you as a couple? Even if you’ve been married for decades, sexual intimacy can become more satisfying and fulfilling than it has ever been.
My friendship with Dr. Corey Allan led me to read one of his mentors: Dr. David Schnarch, a well-known clinical psychologist who specialized in sex and trauma. Schnarch died in 2020, and though he didn’t write from an explicitly Christian perspective, his insights shaped a generation of thoughtful sexual therapists.
Pushing back against the notion that marriage is where sex goes to die, Schnarch promised couples, “You have dormant sexual potential that’s ready and waiting to be developed.” But it takes a little thought, a little work, and a lot of determination to make this happen.
Here’s a key insight you need to know: the sex life that served you well in your twenties or thirties may not work so well in your forties, fifties, or beyond. Your erotic appetite will change as an individual and as a couple. If you merely want to maintain your sexual pleasure, you’re going to have to become more creative.
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