A divorced woman told my daughter that “Finding the man I honestly believe is the love of my life is still not worth the pain and difficulties of being divorced from the father of my children. At some point, having someone to talk to about a funny thing one of your kids said means more than feeling madly in love.”
I have been known for talking about the difficulties and disappointments of marriage because they can be real. But we also need to talk about the difficulties and disappointments of divorce; they can be even more severe.
I’m not judging any of you who were forced into divorce through a partner’s unfaithfulness, desertion, or abuse. I hope you know that by now. And of course, there is grace, forgiveness, and new life even for the perpetrators. But this woman’s story captures the empty promise behind the all-consuming but short-lived passion that is often defined as blowing up your family to pursue what currently feels like “the love of my life.” We not only want to be swept off our feet by our passion, but we also want to keep getting swept off our feet.
Neurologically, this is impossible. An infatuation has a shelf life of less than two years. If you get married on that basis alone but then get divorced when the feelings fade and re-emerge with someone else, the sad truth is that the season of pain will likely last much longer than the infatuation ever did. And what if you get divorced because you’re chasing (or expecting) something that doesn’t exist—an ongoing infatuation?
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