Many parents of prodigals feel tremendous embarrassment over what their adult children are doing, but imagine if you face that challenge while living the very public life of being the daughter of the most famous evangelist in the twentieth century.
I’ve loved teaching at The Cove, the Billy Graham training center in Asheville, North Carolina. One of the fringe benefits is getting to spend time with Gigi Graham, Billy and Ruth Graham’s daughter. The stories she tells are both hilarious and moving. Over our last couple of times together, Gigi has shared the pain she felt as the mother of 7 children, two of whom had some rough times of rebellion and spiritual collapse. She graciously allowed me to include her story, and has shared a private, unpublished manuscript from which I quote.
Warning: this is a really long post. I’m thinking this will serve as one of the last chapters in the book in progress (When Christian Parents Hurt) because it encapsulates, in story form, a lot of the teaching that precedes it. I’d love to get your thoughts on this. Is it too long? Are there easy cuts to make? Do you find her spiritual journey and wisdom as helpful to reflect on as I did? Please let us know in the comments.
The daughter of one of the most influential evangelical leaders of the twentieth century wrote:
“I stood in the doorway, watching my son walk slowly down the driveway and out into the street. Then, with a heart that felt heavy as lead, I reluctantly turned away.
“I forced myself to go through the motions of fixing dinner and doing the evening chores. When I finally crawled into bed, I lay awake, crying and wondering. Where was he? Had he eaten supper? Did he have a place to sleep? Could we have done things differently? Would he ever come home again?
“I thought back over the past months. The ups and downs, the emotions, the harsh words, the frustrations, the disobedience, the dishonesty, the questions, the long nights…sitting and waiting, wondering, worrying, asking, ‘Why?’
“Why was this son choosing to rebel against all we’d offered him? A warm, loving home, physical comfort, an education, a godly heritage….
“I never expected to be awakened late at night by police officers holding large dogs on tight leashes at the front door, calls from detention centers, unsavory friends, drugs, theft, wild dress to go with even wilder behavior…
“Unable to control the tears, I thought about all the chances we had given our son…I wasn’t prepared for a prodigal. I never imagined that one night I would lie in bed wondering where my son was. But, once you love, you are never free again.
“After years of our giving all we had to this beloved child, he chose to disregard his training and reject his teaching.”[i]
Gigi Graham prefers not to be described as Billy and Ruth Graham’s oldest daughter. “Call me the daughter they loved the longest,” she says. “Not the most, but certainly the longest.”
She’s the mother of seven, grandmother of twenty-two, and soon-to-be great-grandmother of 16.
I heard her speak to a room full of military couples about how she prayed so long for a prodigal son before he returned to faith, so I requested an interview for this book. When we connected, I asked her to tell me the story of her prodigal and she responded, “Which one?” It was then I knew she was a perfect guide for us. Her wisdom runs deep, rooted in real-life experience, and she has had ample time to reflect on Christian parenting.
“Our first son, Stephan, was a model child. Our fourth child, Tullian, was our sunshine but became our prodigal at age 12.” Note, the same family structure produced two kids who responded in very different ways: “We had regular family devotions, took them to church, and had a fun family. To this day, none of our children has anything negative to say about their upbringing.
“And then, one day, one of them decided to turn into a rebel. It started with him smoking, which, nowadays, doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but back then it did. He lied about it, stayed out late, or sneaked out of the house.”
That was frustrating, to be sure, but it was an entirely different matter when he ran away from home in his early teens.
“I was so distraught when he ran away that I couldn’t sleep. In the middle of the night, I sat down on a bench by the lake, totally devastated. I didn’t know where he was, a slight child on his own in Fort Lauderdale; was he being beaten up?”
Let me say, again as a pastor, that I feel parents’ pain when they face situations like this. It’s a unique pain for a parent because children can launch such vicious cruelty against their parents. In their pain, they may not intend to be cruel or don’t even recognize what they are doing as cruel, but I can’t imagine a crueler thing to do to a loving mom than to run off at a young age and leave her sick with worry. It’s undoubtedly one of the sharpest arrows a child can shoot, however unintentionally.
Gigi prayed through the night after her son ran away. She couldn’t go to sleep, so after she got the other kids in bed she walked down by the lake and sat on a bench. “I was just totally devastated. I didn’t know where he was, and he was a slight child. He wasn’t a big, heavy child, and Fort Lauderdale was sort of crazy. I didn’t know if he was on the beach, on the street, or if someone was beating him up. I didn’t know anything.
“So I sat down on the bench and said, ‘Okay, Lord, I’m asking you for a favor. You say we have angels around us and I believe it, but I want to see one.’”
She gave God time.
“I didn’t rush him, and I never saw an angel.”
So Gigi offered a second prayer. “Okay, Lord, if that’s too much, could you just have an angel flick his wings up in that pine tree? I just want to know they’re here.”
No flick.
No angel wings.
Gigi finally went back to bed. “I had to go back to bed to get up in the morning for the other kids. But I was distraught.”
After she got the kids up and off to school the next morning, the telephone began to ring. Close friends had heard what had happened, and “so many caring friends” wanted to know what they could do.
“We’ll bring you dinner tonight.”
“We’re coming over to pray with you.”
“This went on for so long that I realized that while I didn’t see an angel, God showed me so many people who were standing with me.” The “angels” of his church! They were God’s messengers with physical bodies.
Let’s remember that God hears our prayers. He may not answer them precisely the way we want Him to, but be open to God’s provision through other methods. Recognize His works and receive them as acts of God’s great kindness and mercy.
Continue reading this blog on Substack HERE.