A conversation with a husband led me to get him to look at remodeling his house through an entirely different lens: what would make his wife feel cherished? This post isn’t about remodeling your house as much as it’s about looking at life’s everyday chores through a different rubric: how can I make my spouse feel cherished through this? We have to address money as part of that discussion, which requires nuance, but the goal of making our spouse feel cherished should influence the most practical discussions of marriage.
A conversation I once had with a husband revealed how practical the concept of cherishing your spouse can be. “Matt” is in his forties and he and his wife are remodeling their home. Knowing Lisa and I went through something similar when we bought a house in Colorado, he asked to talk about an “issue.”
Our discussion centered around escalating costs. Lisa and I heard that whatever quote you get from the contractor, you should double it. In our case, it was actually tripled (I wish that was hyperbole, but it’s not). I don’t think we will ever do it again. But we came out of it okay, still loving and cherishing each other, even while being dutifully reminded that neither of us is particularly suited for this kind of thing.
Matt’s wife wanted to upgrade a few options beyond their initial budget. Matt thought the budget had already settled the question. I asked Matt how they were doing for their retirement “number,” suspecting they were on track, and they were. “Unless the economy completely collapses, we’re well ahead of where we’ll need to be,” he told me.
“Then I think this is easy,” I told him. “Your number one goal here should be that when the house is finished, your wife feels cherished, valued, and heard. Even if you spend another $100,000, what will that matter to you in thirty years if saving it causes your wife to feel slighted?”
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